Enemy

This tab is devoted to my darling Mortal Enemy, best-selling author, Patti Digh.  She is a flawed individual.  I shall list my many complaints about her below.  An informal Bill of Particulars.

1.  Patti Digh insists on infantilizing the world!   She frequently greets her twitter stream with, “hi, worldie.”

2.  On January 7, 2010, Patti Digh hosted a free teleseminar entitled “Choice of Pants” in an attempt to lure Johnny Depp into attending.  Apparently her ploy was successful   He was there:  Patti’s imaginary celebrity guest.

3.  I actually invented the skateboard.  Patti Digh claims she invented oatmeal!

4.  Patti Digh is ignorant of many aspects of life, the weather being among them.  Today, January 15, 2010, she referred to degrees of temperature as “darlings.”  In my valiant attempt to raise her proficiency and understanding about the nature of such things, I had to explain to her that you simply cannot seduce the weather.  If anyone could, it would be me and I have tried on many occasions without success.

5.  Patti is such a relentless self-promoter that any sort of attention gets her attention.  She thinks that having her very own tab–an Enemy Tab–on my blog makes her praise worthy.  She told others about it here, on her own blog.

6.  Oh, and get this:  When she informed me that she had linked to her Enemy Page, she called the link a “linky poo.”  I have nothing to add to that.

7.  My hatred of Patti Digh grows every day.  It is so strong that it exhausts me.  When I think about it.  Which I do.  Because the despicable woman gives me no choice.  If you care little for your comfort you can listen to my interview of Patti on Women Are Not Funny Radio.  While you are there at our website, you might as well join our prestigious list, the Awesome Pretties.  The undeserving Patti Digh will never be on that list!

8.  Patti is constantly asking me whether my eyes ever close.  I understand that she finds me fascinating, but the question greatly annoys me.  Obviously, with a Mortal Enemy as despicable and dangerous as Patti, shouldn’t my eyes be open?  At all times?  For my own protection?

More to come!  Much to come!

9. Yes, I admit it. Patti Digh is rather skilled at being an enemy. But why wouldn’t she be when she spends her time watching instructional videos?

10.  Faith Go, the darling production assistant for Women Are Not Funny Radio, produced a 21 page transcript of my interview of Patti.  (You can listen  or download the interview here:   http://www.womenarenotfunny.com/patti/) I told one of Patti’s fans that the transcript would be released after I edited it so that I would sound smart.  Patti said, “That’s gonna take a long time.”